Here's the Scoop: Oct. 7, 2009

Sweet turns sour
I read something truly disturbing this week. And I quote, “According to a new study, kids who eat too many treats at a young age risk becoming violent in adulthood.”
This story made me so mad I wanted to…whoa…wait a second. That’s better...I meant that I wanted to have a polite conversation and let the folks behind this study know that they were incorrect with this theory.
The reason I know this theory is wrong is that I have consumed quite a bit of candy in my lifetime, starting at a very young age. And I’m hardly violent. Unless I don’t have enough candy handy.
The key researcher in this study concluded that “Kids with the worst problems tend to be impulsive risk takers, and that these kids had terrible diets — breakfast was a Coke and a bag of chips.”
That lets me off the hook. Nary a word about Cap’n Crunch cereal or Chocolate Pop-Tarts. These two taste sensations were breakfast staples during my “formative years.” I really don’t think these foods made me a violent person. If there’s someone out there who disagrees, I’d like to meet them in the parking lot after they finish this column. Oops, there I go again.

I want to assist
I guess what has me so hopping mad is that I wasn’t the one who got a huge sum of dough to research this baseless theory. The really interesting thing about such studies is that they usually conclude with a statement like, “Or, this could all be a coincidence.”
Personally, I don’t believe much in happenstance. But I do take issue with the fact that some researchers feel my childhood feasting on candy has somehow made me a dangerous person. The only time I can remember getting in fights when I was a kid was when someone tried taking my sweet treats away from me. Hmmm, maybe this research isn’t bogus after all...
If I hadn’t spent a childhood (and all the years after), chowing down on nearly any sugar-coated treat put before me, might I actually be a sweeter person today? That would be ironic, I guess.
I’m actually a firm believer in “You are what you eat.” Because someone once got the bright idea, “Wow, we can make ‘food’ in laboratories – and it will taste great and increase our corporation’s bottom line,” we all have suffered.
It’s funny that the idea of “organic food” strikes many folks as a new trend. I’m pretty sure that’s how food was served for a very long time.
Still, thinking that candy has turned me into a violent person is difficult for me to comprehend. I think the researchers have overlooked an important point: My theory is that tons of candy as a child leads to a string of painful visits to the dentist — thus the violent feelings. Now, if only I can get a huge grant to study this concept.