Here's the Scoop: June 16, 2010

I hear you, fans
While I certainly admire the remarkable skills of professional soccer players, I am not what you’d call a soccer fan. It probably has something to do with me having “two left feet” — with neither of them particularly skilled at making a round ball go in an intended direction.
I suppose that if were to sit down and watch an entire game of the current World Cup that I might gain some enthusiasm for the “world’s most watched event.” But I won’t be joining in the with the soccer couch potato crowd.
Plus, call me old-fashioned, but I find some of the habits of some soccer players a bit annoying. An athlete being known by just one name is weird. Ichiro being the exception, of course.
And every time I sit down to watch the real sport of baseball, I am thankful that players don’t take off their jersey tops after hitting a home run. This is especially true when Prince Fielder clubs a round-tripper.
There’s also that annoying little habit that some soccer enthusiasts have of trampling their fellow spectators to death. To me, that could put a bit of a damper on a day out at the stadium. Call me old-fashioned, but I am still partial to clapping and booing as the only options for fans to enjoy. I’d mention The Wave too, but that would date me.

Deafening response
So, with all these reasons for me to not be much of a soccer fan, I took some satisfaction this week when one of the biggest stories surrounding the World Cup was whether vuvuzelas should be banned from the tournament.
To quote one writer, “The vuvuzela, which is made to replicate the call of an elephant, comes across as a drone on television. In real life, though, the noise reaches 144 decibels, equivalent to the sound made by a passenger jet.”
My guess is that such a sound could put a damper on a family trip to view a soccer match. It’s funny, but I always found wanna-be coaches (read: parents) shouting from the sidelines of high school games more than a little annoying. It sounds like the vuvuzela might give these “expert coaches” a run for their money.
You may think that my bitterness regarding soccer is a little extreme. I admit, that may be true. I know that weighing the benefits and/or drawbacks of particular sports is like comparing soccer balls to baseballs, but it’s natural for me.
I like baseball and not much else. When I’m watching the sports channels to check on the success (or wretched failure) of the members of my Fantasy Baseball teams each evening from April through early October (or only until August, as was the sad, sad case last year), I don’t want to have to suffer through soccer results from the Cameroon vs. North Korea match. Or NASCAR results, tennis outcomes or the drafting of “amateur” college football players, for that matter.
Sure, I have a computer and I know how to use this device. But I prefer watching baseball results on television. Part of my obsessive personality.
The best part of this whole vuvuzela soccer controversy, though, is that my wife has a newfound appreciation for me sitting in front of TV, waving an extremely quiet “Homer Hanky” whenever one of my Fantasy Players hits one out of the park.
That’s how I get my kicks.