Here's the Scoop: August 12, 2009

J&K mania strikes
I am exhausted. I spent nearly the entire weekend catching up on the latest adventures of “Jon and Kate.” Forget the “Plus 8,” there wasn’t nearly enough time.
OK, so maybe that’s not entirely true. I will admit this much, though, it was not until several months ago that I even knew Jon and Kate existed. Apparently many others were clued in much earlier. There came a point where I had seen enough references to these folks that I finally did an Internet search to gain some insight. My wife happened to wander past the computer and asked why I was reading about J&K (my term).
“I honestly don’t know. I have no idea who they are or why they’re famous,” I responded.
And it was true. Someone, somewhere had decided that J&K mattered. A lot.
I’m proud to say that I don’t care. At all.
Others apparently feel differently. When I Googled the couple to figure out what the “Eight” referred to (it’s their kids), the search game up with more than 32 million references to these people.
Even though I don’t have time or any interest in the pair, that doesn’t mean I can escape them. One day while watching the “news,” I learned that Kate had been a bit overenthusiastic in swatting one her children’s (Do all the kids have numbers instead of names?) bottom. This, of course, was cause for instant replays. “Experts” were brought in to discuss the matter. I’m sure the discussion is still ongoing.
Good thing nobody had a camera when my mother used to give us the occasional swat with the wooden spoon!

Free supermarket updates
When I’m not learning about them on formerly respected news programs, I sort of keep up with J&K’s exploits when I’m waiting in line at the supermarket. I don’t actually open the tabloids to find out the juicy details — just skim the covers. However, one thing I have learned is that J&K apparently are no longer an ideal couple. They seem to have other interests besides caring for their absurd number of children.
My question is: If they each eventually have their own TV show (maybe they already do, but I won’t know about it until after baseball season), how will they make the show’s names rhyme?
And will the living arrangements for parents and children have to be altered to allow for catchy show names? I confess that I’m not really aware of the names of J&K’s new love interests, so I’ll just toss out some helpful ideas. My apologies if I split up the kids without concern for their welfare – this is being done for show naming purposes only.

Helpful hints
Here are some suggestions: Kate & Drew Plus Two. Jon & Bree Plus Three. Kate & Devin Plus Seven.
I realize that this manner of separating the kids probably isn’t fair to the children. But, come on…we’ve got TV shows and magazines to sell.
Because we’re celebrating the 40th anniversary of Woodstock and pretty much everyone you ask was there, I wondered if the same claims would be made in the case of J&K.
So, I started asking folks: Do you follow the Jon & Kate saga? Nope. Not one person I asked admitted having any interest in this couple.
After finishing my scientific research of J&K groupies, I concluded that only the media cared about what these folks were doing. This whole thing was like a tree falling in the woods, with no one around to hear the noise or read about the scandals. Don’t tell Jon & Kate, but I see real jobs coming in their future.