Here's the Scoop: August 10, 2011

New at showering
I attended my first bridal shower over the weekend. Interesting stuff.
Actually, I didn’t exactly get invited to the shower. Nor did I crash the event. The shower came to me.

In reality, I was at the post-bridal shower. After the strippers had left.
You see, when my wife headed out for a day of fun at the bridal shower, I was left home to contend with the massive task of replenishing the firewood pile. Ordinarily, I take pleasure in such work. Just not in the rain. Makes things worse when I know that others in my family are off having fun.

That’s not really true. How could I even know that bridal showers are enjoyable, never having attended one? I guess I’ve seen it in movies. Some of those parties are pretty wild.
Even though I was missing out on the food, beverages and inappropriate jokes that were probably all plentiful at the bridal shower, I did have the whole day to enjoy wood cutting, splitting and stacking! Good times.

But not before taking a nice nap. And having a few snacks. And checking some baseball action.
I finally decided that rain was in the cards all day and that, since I would likely be sweating quite a bit, getting soaked didn’t matter much. So, it was off to the woods for me. After going at the firewood task pretty hard for several hours, I saw a mirage. Headlights were coming up the road. More than one set.

I somehow doubted that the vehicles were loaded with chaps-wearing, chain saw wielding reinforcements. I was right. Out of the cars piled bridal shower attendees.

Get the party started...again
The designated drivers were the voices of reason. The others, well, I could only imagine the fun that they had been having at Bridal Shower Phase 1. The good times were spilling over at our house.
Truthfully, there are worse things than having a houseful of party girls. I naturally tried to pry some bridal shower secrets out of them. But they weren’t talking. At least about party details.

Having missed out on hours of the original event, I tried to piece together the dynamics of the group. I knew everyone, except the mother of the bride-to-be. While she was nice, I think maybe she didn’t know exactly what to make of the party scene.

Finally, getting into the party mode myself, I offered a frank question/statement: “You’re a bit uptight, aren’t you?”

She replied with a puzzled expression.
“Are men allowed at a bridal shower?” she finally asked.

I explained that, technically, this was the post-shower event and anything goes. Except, perhaps, the bathing suit outfit that one of the party girls had continued to wear long after the swimming part of the party had passed. Mom of the bride had offered this attendee some ill-fitting cover-ups that she deemed more appropriate for the occasion.

Having missed the formal bridal shower, I wasn’t aware that Bathing Suit Girl and Mom of the Bride were not best buddies. Once I became aware of the slight friction between these two, I made sure to keep them away from…my firewood pile – I didn’t want that igniting months too soon.
Can’t wait for the wedding! I’ll leave the chain saw home.
— Brian Sweeney