Here's the Scoop: April 1, 2009

Enjoy the holiday, kids...
Among the growing number of things that I can never understand is why so many symbols associated with “fun” holidays are — what’s the term? — not fun. I’m reminded of this each year at this time when the Easter Bunny hops into the picture for a few weeks. Real bunnies, as a general rule, are furry and cute. And small. I think that’s the major difference between an Easter Bunny and a Non-holiday Bunny. Easter Bunnies are, more likely than not, big. Huge even.
Face it, putting a fur-covered costume on a 6-foot, 2-inch guy doesn’t automatically translate into “cute.” For the most part, I think “scary” is a better word.
That’s right, I came right out and said it, I think that many Easter Bunnies can be downright frightening. You know, the vacant eyes, the matted fur, the faint smell of moth balls. This is not my idea of a good time. And I know plenty of little kids who would back me up on this notion.
I know as well as anyone the lure that free candy can have on a person. On the other hand, what price does a person have to pay to satisfy one’s sweet tooth?
I’m thinking that if the Easter Bunny was, indeed, a furry little creature about the size of a tissue box, there wouldn’t be too many kids scared half to death by the prospect of a visit to this creature. But when the Easter Bunny looks like he’s big enough to dunk a basketball (providing he has enough “hop”), that can be pretty intimidating. And parents have plenty of pictures of such “fun” events to prove my point.

Look at the pictures
In fact, I recently saw a story about an entire book devoted to photos of terrified children who received their fright from a visit to Santa Claus. Good times.
Well, the Easter Bunny is less terrifying only because Cadbury Mini Egg breath is preferred by most children over Egg Nog breath. Other than that, both of these holiday symbols have caused plenty of nightmares.
I’m not sure why we inflict such pain on our youth. It’s like these creatures were invented by Dick Cheney.
If one of the world’s biggest clichés “Our children are our future,” is true, why the heck do we subject them to painful visits to chat up the Easter Bunny and beg Santa for loot?
At least with Halloween, there’s no pretending. Scariness is part of the package. I like that. The Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, I think, send mixed messages — You can get free stuff, but you’ll probably wet your pants in the process. Not really a fair trade-off.
I have these perspectives as an adult, but I don’t remember any childhood visits to the Easter Bunny or Santa. I’ve probably blocked them out. However, I vividly recall the one holiday that scared me the most — Labor Day — and the awful prospect of visiting School Teachers the next day.