Here's the Scoop by Brian Sweeney

Catching some porch time
“How was your weekend?” It’s a common pleasantry, designed to take the edge off the back-to-work grind of a Monday morning.

The question, of course, is not meant to probe. It’s more of a greeting.
Grouchy on Mondays by nature, I usually respond that my weekend was lousy. That’s not usually the case, but it makes me feel better about being relegated to an office for the next eight hours. I’m not a confinement kind of guy. Must be my tendency towards claustrophobia.

Out of the loop
The passage of time has taken a tiny bit of the sting away following the August 28 flood that created unprecedented destruction in many local communities. With enough distance having passed since the flood, it’s even possible to recall a few lighthearted moments in the events that followed the flooding.

Storm clouds still linger
When I awoke last Tuesday, I realized that we were running low on some of the staples in the food department — chips, cheese, seltzer, coffee, bagels. My plans for the day ran through my head, trying to figure out a good time to drop into Freshtown to pick up these items.

You can’t wear that!
I guess it’s simply a difficult Situation. Especially if you’re the clothing company Abercrombie & Fitch (A&F).

The news broke last week that A&F has offered to pay Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino to not wear its clothing on the “hit” show “Jersey Shore.” In a day when “product placement” is so highly sought after, this is a very unusual move indeed.

Mob mentality
I have a theory that once I become aware of a trend, it’s time for the trend to be over.
This rule of thumb usually works pretty well, especially since I’m sort of slow to realize that a trend has even occurred. So, by the time I figure out such things, the trend should be well past its prime.

New at showering
I attended my first bridal shower over the weekend. Interesting stuff.
Actually, I didn’t exactly get invited to the shower. Nor did I crash the event. The shower came to me.

In reality, I was at the post-bridal shower. After the strippers had left.
You see, when my wife headed out for a day of fun at the bridal shower, I was left home to contend with the massive task of replenishing the firewood pile. Ordinarily, I take pleasure in such work. Just not in the rain. Makes things worse when I know that others in my family are off having fun.

When duty calls
I did my duty last week. Almost.
The fact is, I reported for Jury Duty, as instructed. Then, we were all sent home when the case was settled just moments before jury selection. Apparently, that kind of thing happens a lot.
Even though so many cases are settled out of court doesn’t release anyone from their obligation of showing up and possibly being selected to serve on a jury. So, off I went to Delhi to see if I would be called upon to decide someone’s fate. Real power.

What’s that password?
I heard an interesting piece on the radio this week. It seems that I am not alone in struggling to remember passwords for various accounts on the Internet.

Apparently, failure to remember one’s passwords is pretty much an epidemic. As an antidote for this plague, many of us choose to “simplify” our passwords to make it easier to gain access to online accounts, etc.

Living forever
“Never put it in writing,” is a famous warning. My guess is this philosophy pays handsome dividends for folks who prefer to lie their way out of sticky situations.

For anyone who has dealt with the type of people referred to above, there’s the companion warning: “Always get it in writing.”

Stolen word of advice
Imagine my surprise the other day when I came across a story that stated, “The bookworms behind the Oxford Dictionary of English recently released a list of 2,000 or so new words that will be added to their next edition. Some of the new words include staycation, social media and the groan-inducing chillax.”